Saturn + Searching

moongaze

I am not looking at you
I stare past you
Your face blotting out everything to the right
I am looking for Saturn
You wouldn’t understand
I look everywhere else
I search out Sirius, who is easier to find
You grab at my shoulders
I pivot pivot pivot
You know Saturn, your face looks in all directions
Spinning the dark of your hair flying around
quick clipped snapshots that cut
your white face in crescents
—
how far a star must travel
to escape the light of the moon
our view boxed into the glow
so consuming that it’s difficult
finding Saturn’s outside rings
unblinking I stare past you
as you box in the view
glow consuming the sky
we trick ourselves to being invited
but you are uncast and stonefaced
staring entirely past us
—
I cannot see Saturn
and next year the rings vanish
everything in the sky is old
and somehow nostalgic for something
I’ve never experienced and already lost