Cash + Out
I sold my magic collection this week. Cards that I’ve had since college, some even older maybe since grade school when I started playing. A piece of me is gone, sold. The space within me feels vast as I distance myself from a game that I was sometimes playing five times a week. A game that was a genuine factor when we picked where we wanted to live. That space feels so vast right now, echo filled of memories and blinded in the dark. I trust the other parts of me will grow to fill that chamber and be richer because I’m giving them the space to grow. I did tell a small fib, I only sold about 90% of my collection. The competitive side of me will always hunger and Magic fills that outlet really well. There’s also the social aspect, I know in stepping away from the game those relationships will fade as I pull back. I wish to cast them gently from the shore rather than sever them quickly and watch them struggle and drown clinging to a rope I refuse to handle. There is this strange power in the choice to change. the process of selling felt sort like picking off a familiar scab. This piece of me that is familiar, safe, even protective even. Attached to me and grown over time but not truly belonging to me. There’s something to be said about the connections in life that sustain themselves through “I’m going to try something different” conversations. Maybe more to be said in hindsight about those that don’t. For now, I live in this intentional internal dismantling with a trust that the pieces will all fit together again somehow.
□ □ □ □ □
How much of myself can fit in a printer paper box?
when the cards are gone, I’m unsure what to do with my hands
unshuffleable
How long until I no longer flick my credit card against my id in the coffee line?
How quickly I fall out of the meta, my attention elsewhere, my knowledge only from an old photo album,
There is no where to grow from revisiting a year book of all the greatest past moments.
— When I sold everything I sold you as well without knowing it, perhaps the buyer factored you in the deal and I did not see that angle. I should have included your phone number, your home address, your coffee order, that photo of all us in Vegas.